It usually starts in a hallway that smells faintly of crayons and hand sanitizer. You are holding a visitor sticker and trying to keep your face neutral, as if you are simply touring a building and not quietly deciding where your child will spend thousands of hours becoming a new version of themselves. Your kid is doing what kids do on school tours: noticing the fish tank, tugging at a backpack zipper, asking a question at full volume. You are doing what parents do: scanning the room for signs. Is it warm. Is it calm. Is it too strict. Is it too loose. Is this the place where my child will bloom, or where they will shrink.
Kindergarten is where parenting turns abstract. You can talk about values all you want at the dinner table, but the first time you watch a teacher kneel down to meet a child's eyes, you realize you are not choosing a curriculum so much as a daily culture. The hard part is that culture can be hard to "see" in a twenty minute visit. The bright displays and the newly painted walls give you very little information about what happens when a child is frustrated, lonely, bored, or bursting with questions.
Research is helpful here, not because it tells you which school to pick, but because it narrows what to pay attention to. The American Academy of Pediatrics has argued that play is not a break from learning, but one of the ways young children practice language, problem solving, and self regulation. NAEYC, the early childhood professional organization, makes a related point: developmentally appropriate practice is intentional, not hands off. It blends what children generally need at this age with careful observation of who your child is, today, in this classroom, with these peers. The goal is not "play versus academics" so much as "learning that stays joyful enough to be sustainable."
When researchers study early classrooms, they keep circling back to quieter ingredients than parents expect. Class size and curriculum matter, but so does the quality of teacher child interactions: warmth, responsiveness, clear expectations, and a room that feels organized rather than chaotic. Those are the conditions that make children brave enough to take risks, and risk taking is how learning happens in the first place. So think of a school visit as a two part exercise: the questions you ask, and the things you watch for while the answers are unfolding.
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Start with the school's philosophy, because it is the engine that drives a hundred smaller decisions. You are listening for coherence, not slogans. How do you describe your approach to learning in kindergarten: play-based, academic, or a blend? A good answer does not treat play as the opposite of teaching. It describes how teachers plan experiences with purpose, then adjust based on what children show they are ready for.
Families often want to know what "learning" looks like in concrete terms, especially around literacy and math. It is fine to ask directly, and to ask separately, because schools sometimes answer one while quietly changing the subject to the other. What does reading instruction look like across a typical week? What does math instruction look like across a typical week? If the program is thoughtful, you will hear about explicit teaching of foundational skills and also about practice that feels like real life: reading stories together, writing for authentic reasons, counting in games, measuring while building. The What Works Clearinghouse practice guide on early reading, for example, emphasizes systematic attention to foundational skills alongside opportunities to use them meaningfully.
If your child is the kind of learner who becomes obsessed with one idea, you are choosing a school's relationship to curiosity. How do you make room for curiosity and child-chosen projects? You are listening for whether teachers know how to harness children's interests as fuel, so a fascination with dinosaurs can become storytelling, vocabulary, drawing, sorting, counting, and the social work of sharing materials.
Then ask about the part parents worry about but sometimes avoid naming: the unevenness of five year olds. Some children arrive reading chapter books. Some are still figuring out letters. Some can sit for long stretches. Some have bodies built for motion. How do you individualize learning for children at different levels, including advanced readers and kids still learning letters? A strong answer includes small group instruction, flexible supports, and a refusal to shame children for where they are starting. It also avoids the "we don't differentiate" shrug, which is usually code for letting children sink or swim.
Language is another window into belonging. How do you support multilingual learners and children's home languages? Listen for teachers who treat home language as an asset and a bridge, not as a problem to fix. On the tour, notice whether you see visual schedules, pictures that support vocabulary, books that reflect a range of families, and adults who speak about multilingual children with competence.
While these questions are being answered, take in the emotional temperature. Watch how teachers speak to children in passing. Notice whether children look engaged, whether adults are down at child level, whether someone seems to be "keeping order" or actually guiding learning. This is not about a classroom being perfectly quiet. It is about whether the noise sounds like purposeful work or like a room barely being held together.
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After philosophy, ask about the structure that makes philosophy possible. Ratios and class size do not guarantee quality, but they shape what teachers can realistically do, especially during transitions and conflict. NAEYC's accreditation guidance lists a best practice ratio for kindergarten of one adult to twelve children, with a maximum group size of twenty four. What is the usual adult-to-child ratio, and how is it handled when staff are absent? If the school is larger, you are listening for how it compensates: aides, support staff, strong routines, and careful supervision.
Then zoom in on what the day feels like. How many children are in the class, and do they stay as one group all day? A classroom that stays together all day can feel like a small community. A classroom that moves through multiple spaces can offer variety, but it also increases the number of handoffs children must manage. For some kids, those handoffs are energizing. For others, they are the moment the day unravels.
The physical room is a form of teaching. How is the classroom set up, and how do you decide what materials and centers are available? You want to hear intention: materials chosen to invite open ended play, spaces that support both collaboration and quiet, and a layout that lets children practice independence without losing supervision. On the tour, notice whether children can reach what they need and whether there are clear places for coats, papers, and supplies. Disorganization does not just create mess. It creates friction, and friction often shows up as "behavior."
Outdoor time is another quiet indicator of values. How much time do children spend outdoors, and what is outdoor play like in different weather? Many programs treat outdoor play as essential rather than optional, because it is where children practice big body movement, social negotiation, and self regulation. The question is not whether the playground has the newest equipment. It is whether outdoor time is protected, supervised well, and responsive to weather and safety.
If you can, ask the school to narrate the day. What does a full day look like from arrival to dismissal? How do you balance whole-group time, small groups, independent work, and free play? A good answer has rhythm: movement and stillness, teacher led learning and child chosen practice, social time and time for focused work. If the answer sounds like a schedule built entirely around compliance, that matters. If it sounds like a day with no structure at all, that also matters. Most children do best when adults are both kind and clear.
Transitions are where structure becomes visible, and where children's stress often hides. How do transitions work between activities, and what supports help children who struggle with them? If you happen to see a transition on your visit, watch closely. Do adults use predictable cues. Do they give children jobs and roles. Do they help one child who is stuck without shaming them in front of the group. These are small moments, but they are also the moments that add up to whether a child feels safe in school.
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At this point in a tour, many parents realize they have been thinking about kindergarten as a curriculum choice, when it is also a communication relationship. You are not only choosing what your child will do at school. You are choosing how you will know what is happening, especially when something is hard.
Assessment is a word that can mean careful observation, or it can mean frequent testing. How do you observe and assess progress without turning the year into constant testing? NAEYC's kindergarten focused guidance encourages authentic assessment that is woven into daily activities, including play based learning, so teachers can gather meaningful information without replacing learning with measurement. A strong answer might include work samples, observation notes, and short screeners used thoughtfully rather than constantly.
Then ask how information travels from classroom to home. How do you communicate progress to families, and how often? Some families like frequent updates. Some prefer fewer messages and deeper conversation. What matters is whether the school has a clear system and whether it treats families as partners rather than as customers who should be kept "satisfied."
The most important communication question is what happens when something is not going well. If a child is struggling academically or socially, how soon do you contact families, and what happens next? Listen for early contact, shared problem solving, and concrete next steps. You want adults who can say, in plain language, what they are seeing, what they have tried, and how they will work with you. A school that waits until a problem becomes a crisis often leaves children carrying the weight in the meantime.
Family involvement is also part of the culture. What does parent involvement look like here, and what is welcomed or expected? How do you communicate with families who cannot volunteer during the school day? A thoughtful school can name multiple ways families participate, including ways that do not require daytime volunteering. Notice whether the adults speak respectfully about the diversity of family schedules and resources. That respect tends to show up in how children are treated as well.
As you listen, pay attention to whether the adults describe children as capable and growing, or as problems to be managed. That stance is the air your child will breathe. It is often more predictive of the year than any single program feature.
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Discipline is the topic that makes many parents tense on tours, because it sits at the intersection of safety, empathy, and fairness. Most schools will tell you they use a "positive" approach. Your job is to learn what that means on the hardest days, not the easiest ones.
Ask about the school's definition of discipline and its response to common kindergarten flashpoints. How do you approach discipline, and what happens after hitting, biting, or repeated disruption? How do teachers help children resolve conflicts with peers? In the best answers, discipline sounds like teaching: adults coach children through feelings, help them repair harm, and build skills in problem solving and self regulation. A school's response reveals whether it sees behavior as moral failure or as development in progress.
It is also reasonable to ask about exclusionary discipline. Do you ever use suspension or other exclusionary discipline in kindergarten, and if so, under what circumstances? A joint policy statement from the U.S. Departments of Health and Human Services and Education has urged early childhood programs to prevent and severely limit expulsion and suspension, noting the harms to children and the existence of disparities. Even if your child is in a K to 5 building, the principle is relevant: young children need teaching and support, not removal as a default response.
If your child has diagnosed needs, or you suspect they might, inclusion has to move from values to services. How do you support children with IEPs or 504 plans, and what services can the school provide on site? Under IDEA, eligible children in public schools are entitled to special education and related services, and schools have responsibilities around identification and support. You are listening for a program that treats accommodations as normal tools, not as inconveniences. On a tour, inclusion often shows up in small design choices: visual schedules, calm spaces, flexible ways to participate, and adults who talk about differences with competence.
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Finally, there are the practical questions that feel unromantic until the day they save you. Safety, security, and daily logistics are not accessories. They are the scaffolding that keeps the day intact, and they shape how calm you feel at drop off.
Ask how the school handles the ordinary, high stakes moments. What are the arrival and dismissal procedures, visitor policies, and emergency protocols? You are listening for clear routines: supervision at arrival and dismissal, verification of who can pick up a child, visitor management, and practiced emergency plans. Federal and public health guidance for early childhood settings emphasizes planning, drills, and supervision systems that match children's developmental needs.
Then ask about the hours that will hold your real life together. What before- and after-care options are available, and what is staffing and routine like during those hours? Before and after care can be a warm extension of the day or a chaotic afterthought. The way a school talks about staffing, routines, and supervision during these times is revealing.
And ask about transitions, both into kindergarten and out of it. The first weeks can be thrilling and exhausting. NAEYC's family guidance on starting kindergarten emphasizes that adjustment takes time and that routines and relationships matter more than drilling academics before day one. Ask how a school supports new students, and how it prepares children to move into first grade in a way that feels like a step, not a cliff.
End with the question that invites honesty instead of marketing. What kinds of children and families tend to thrive here, and what kinds may find it is not the right match? Schools that can answer this tend to be paying attention to real children, not only to an idealized version of their program. It also gives you permission to trust your own data: what you saw, what you felt, what your child did in the room.
A tour is a tiny window. Your child will spend hundreds of hours on the other side of it, on days when you are not there to translate, advocate, or smooth the rough edges. The point of asking good questions is not to perform vigilance. It is to learn how a school thinks: how it talks about children, how it responds to struggle, and how it balances joy and rigor. The "best" kindergarten is not the one with the loudest promise. It is the one that matches your child's temperament and needs, aligns with your family's values, and offers a daily culture your child can grow inside.
Sources
- American Academy of Pediatrics. "Power of Play in Early Childhood." HealthyChildren.org, 2021.
- National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). "Developmentally Appropriate Practice: Defining Developmentally Appropriate Practice" (Position Statement). NAEYC, 2020.
- National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). "Developmentally Appropriate Practice in Kindergarten: Introduction." NAEYC, 2024.
- National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). "Staff-to-Child Ratios and Group Size." NAEYC Accreditation, n.d.
- Institute of Education Sciences, What Works Clearinghouse. "Foundational Skills to Support Reading for Understanding in Kindergarten Through 3rd Grade." Practice Guide, 2016.
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and U.S. Department of Education. "Policy Statement on Expulsion and Suspension Policies in Early Childhood Settings." 2014.
- U.S. Department of Education. "Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA)." Ed.gov, n.d.
- U.S. Department of Education. "The Civil Rights of Students With Hidden Disabilities and Section 504." Ed.gov, n.d.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "Information for Childcare Providers: Before, During, and After an Emergency." CDC, 2024.
- Pianta, Robert C., et al. "Defining Early Education Quality Using CLASS-Observed Teacher–Child Interactions." Frontiers in Psychology, 2023.