The Okafors had always assumed their kids would attend public school. Both parents were products of public education; it had worked fine for them. Then their daughter started kindergarten, and within months they were second-guessing everything. Twenty-eight students and one overwhelmed teacher. Their daughter, who'd arrived eager to learn, coming home bored and frustrated.
A friend suggested the Catholic school down the street. "But we're not Catholic," Amara Okafor protested. Her friend shrugged. "Half the families aren't. They just want smaller classes."
They toured. Class sizes half of what they'd seen. Tuition steep but not impossible. Values alignment imperfect but close enough. They made the switch.
Three years later, their son reached kindergarten age. Same public school, but new principal, new energy. Class sizes had dropped. Curriculum improved. They enrolled him in public.
"People ask which is better, public or private. It's the wrong question." — Amara Okafor
She's right. The debate generates enormous heat and remarkably little light, because it treats two sprawling categories as if they were monoliths. The excellent public school has more in common with the excellent private school than either has with a struggling school of its own type. But the distinctions do matter, and understanding them helps families navigate what can feel like an overwhelming decision.
The Basics
Public schools are funded by taxes and free to attend. They must accept all students, follow state curriculum standards, employ certified teachers, and provide services for students with disabilities. They cannot teach religion. About 50 million American children attend them.
Private schools are funded by tuition, donations, and endowments. They set their own admission criteria, design their own curricula, and can incorporate religious instruction. About 5 million children attend, roughly three-quarters at religiously affiliated schools—Catholic, Jewish, evangelical Christian, and others. The rest attend secular independent schools. That's the framework. Everything else is nuance.
The Money
Let's start with the elephant. Public school is free. Private school is not.
How not-free depends entirely on the school. Parish-based Catholic schools might charge $5,000 to $10,000 annually. Independent day schools average around $32,000 for 2024-2025, according to the National Association of Independent Schools—and elite schools in major cities can exceed $60,000. Boarding schools average over $70,000.
Multiply by thirteen years. Possibly by multiple children. You're looking at sums that rival college—sometimes several colleges. For many families, the math simply doesn't work. For others, it requires genuine sacrifice: smaller homes, older cars, forgone vacations, depleted savings.
Financial aid complicates the picture. Most private schools offer some assistance, and many try to build economically diverse student bodies. But aid rarely makes expensive schools affordable for middle-class families, and the application process—detailed financial disclosures, sometimes tax returns—can be intrusive.
Some states have voucher programs that let public funding follow students to private schools. These are expanding and controversial. Whether you can access one depends on where you live and sometimes on income.
The calculation isn't just about affordability—it's about trade-offs. Money spent on tuition isn't available for college savings, retirement, family experiences, or financial security. Some families find the trade-off worthwhile. Others regret stretching beyond their means.
The Performance Question
Do private schools deliver better education? The answer is more complicated than either side admits.
On standardized tests, private school students consistently outperform. The most recent National Assessment of Educational Progress data shows private school eighth graders scoring about 20 points higher in reading. Similar gaps appear across subjects and grade levels.
But here's the catch: those scores might just measure who attends, not school quality.
Private school families are, on average, wealthier and more educated. They're more likely to have books at home, to read to their children, to have time and resources to support learning. These factors predict achievement regardless of school type. When researchers control for family background—a tricky exercise, but an important one—the private school advantage largely disappears.
A 2018 University of Virginia study examined academic, social, psychological, and attainment outcomes and found student success more directly related to family attributes than to public or private attendance. Schools matter. But the apparent superiority of private schools is at least partly an illusion created by who attends them.
None of this tells you whether a specific private school is better than a specific public school in your community. That requires research into actual schools, not generalizations.
Class Size
Private schools generally have smaller classes. This is real: a class of 15 is different from a class of 30. But the research is less conclusive than you'd expect. Smaller classes matter most in early grades and for disadvantaged students. The benefit in middle and high school is less clear. Some research suggests very small classes actually underperform moderately sized ones, possibly because they limit peer interaction. More important than raw numbers may be how teachers use the smaller setting. A skilled teacher with 25 students often provides better instruction than a mediocre teacher with 12.
Freedom and Flexibility
Public schools operate within frameworks of state standards, required curricula, and mandated testing. This provides consistency and accountability but limits flexibility. A teacher who wants to spend three weeks on a topic students find fascinating may not be able to—the pacing guide says move on.
Private schools have more autonomy. They can adopt innovative curricula, move at different paces, organize instruction unconventionally. A Waldorf school can delay formal reading. A classical school can require Latin. A progressive school can build everything around student-initiated projects. For families with strong convictions—religious, philosophical, pedagogical—this freedom is often the point.
The flip side is accountability, or its absence. A private school implementing a fringe curriculum isn't necessarily answerable to anyone. Parents must trust that the approach will serve their child, without state oversight ensuring minimum standards.
Special Needs: A Critical Difference
If your child has a disability or learning difference, this section may be the most important one you read.
Public schools are required by federal law—the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act—to identify, evaluate, and provide appropriate services to students with disabilities at no cost. If your child qualifies for an IEP, the school must provide the specified accommodations and services. Districts employ specialists and therapists. The system is imperfect and often requires advocacy, but the legal framework and resources exist.
Private schools have no such obligation. They can decline to admit students with special needs. If they do admit them, they're not required to provide services beyond what they choose to offer. Some private schools have excellent support for learning differences; others have virtually none. Some will collaborate with families; others practice what educators call "counseling out"—suggesting struggling students would be better served elsewhere.
For families whose children have significant special needs, this difference often determines the decision. The public system, for all its flaws, provides a safety net that private schools don't.
Diversity
About 65% of private school students are white, compared to roughly 45% in public schools. Private schools serve proportionally fewer Black, Hispanic, and low-income students. Research shows students benefit from learning alongside peers from different backgrounds—navigating difference, questioning assumptions, understanding other perspectives. Many private schools are actively working to diversify, but economics create structural barriers that good intentions can't easily overcome. Of course, public school diversity varies enormously by neighborhood too. The question is the specific schools you're considering, not the categories.
What Drives the Choice
A 2024 survey found parents choosing private schools most often cited safety (50%) and academic quality (40%). Parents choosing public schools cited location and convenience (57%). This makes sense. Private school requires effort and expense; people choose it for specific reasons. Public school is the default; families often choose it because it's there, it's free, and it's good enough.
"Good enough" isn't an insult. A nearby school where your child walks with neighborhood friends, where you know other families, where involvement is natural—that has value that doesn't show up in test scores. Religion drives many private choices, obviously. For families who want faith woven into education, private schools provide something public schools cannot and should not attempt. Dissatisfaction with local public schools drives others—sometimes reflecting legitimate concerns, sometimes expectations no school could meet, and sometimes biases about who attends public schools that parents may not consciously acknowledge.
Beyond the Labels
The most important advice: stop thinking about public versus private. Start thinking about School A versus School B.
Visit actual schools. Not just glossy tours—try to observe regular instruction. Watch how teachers interact with students. Notice the hallway atmosphere. Is this a place where your child would thrive?
Talk to parents through your own networks, not just testimonials on websites. What do they love? What frustrates them? Would they choose again?
Think honestly about your child. Not the child you wish you had—the actual kid. What do they need? What environment brings out their best? A high-pressure academic setting that motivates one child might crush another. A nurturing, unstructured environment that liberates one might leave another floundering.
Be realistic about money. Thirteen years of tuition is a major commitment. Don't sacrifice retirement for the hope of marginal improvement. Don't assume expensive means better.
Remember nothing is permanent. A choice right for kindergarten may not be right for middle school. Stay attentive. Stay flexible.
The Right Answer
The Okafor children are in high school now. The daughter who started private switched to public. The son who started public stayed. Both are thriving.
"I used to feel guilty. Like I should have made the same choice for both, like I was showing favoritism. But they're different people. They needed different things." — Amara Okafor
That's the insight lost in the public-versus-private debate. There's no universally correct answer because there's no universal child. The question isn't which type is better. It's which specific school is best for your specific child, given your family's values, resources, and circumstances.
That's a harder question. It requires research and reflection, not ideology. It forces you to see your child clearly.
But it's the right question. And asking it is the first step toward an answer that actually works.